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"Don’t Be So Critical" by Dr. Alex Aronis

5 August 2007

Texts: Matthew 7:1-5, Romans 12:9-18


© 2007 Alex Aronis

A husband and wife, old friends of ours, were in the process of moving from their home in the mid-west. Just before they left town, the husband received an unexpected call from his doctor telling him that he had to receive treatment for a medical problem that had come to light, and that he would therefore have to stay in the area for an additional three weeks. They had already emptied their home of all of their belongings, and so they called three families, explained their situation, and asked if they could stay with each family for one week. Their friends responded graciously. They had plenty of room, and welcomed them into their homes.

What this couple found -- to their great disappointment -- was that after the first day or two in each of the three homes, the husbands and wives let down their guards and began criticizing one another, making sarcastic comments about one another, putting one another down. This saddened our friends because they realized that these couples were caught in the same cycle of destructive behavior that they themselves had engaged in for years. The husband, a discerning person, turned to me and asked, “Is there any way out of this awful practice of condemning one another, bickering with one another, blaming one another? How can a husband and wife stop sabotaging their marriage? We both want intimacy with one another but we destroy it by constantly finding fault with one another.”

This couple was on their way to their new location on the East Coast and were passing through our hometown of Cincinnati, Ohio. They had asked if they could stay with us for a couple of days and we said, “Sure.” But as I listened to his comments, I noticed that I was getting a little nervous. This couple was going to have ample opportunity to observe the interaction between Carol and me. Be honest, now. How would you have felt if they were staying in your house for a couple of days? Would you have been a little uncomfortable?

It’s a common practice, --fault-finding, criticizing, blaming. It’s a problem for many of us, much of the time.

In the final section of his Sermon on the Mount Jesus deals with this problem. He commands us to stop judging! He says, Judge not. The Greek word is “krinete,” and the root is “krino.” It can be understood in two ways: First, to judge someone is to say that last word about him or her. It is to pronounce the final word. And Jesus says to us, “Don’t do that!” “Judge Not!” Only God has that right to pronounce the last word on someone.

Why is that? Because we do not have the insight, the perspective, the ability to make a final judgment on the life of another person. We don’t know who is going to heaven or hell. We’re not God! God is God! And only God knows the condition of every person’s soul. He alone knows the heart of every man and woman. He reserves the role of judgment for Himself. That’s why Jesus Commands us: “Judge Not!”

Does this mean that we are prohibited from making value judgments? No--- God expects us to differentiate between right and wrong. In fact five paragraphs down from this passage, Jesus says, Beware of false prophets who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. We are to analyze -- evaluate, consider -- the behavior of prophets, teachers and pastors to make sure that their actions match their words. That’s necessary. That’s required. But that’s different from pronouncing a final word of judgment on someone’s character or destiny. We are not to do that.

There is a second way in which we can understand this command to stop judging. We are to stop criticizing other people. The Message makes this clear. Here’s how the Message translates “Judge not that you be not judged.” “Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults—unless, of course, you want the same treatment. 2 That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging.

The command to stop criticizing people is extremely important. That’s because it summarizes Jesus’ great Sermon on the Mount. Throughout his Sermon Jesus places great importance upon treating people with respect. In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus insists on good interpersonal relationships. The Sermon on the Mount is about love.

For example, in the 5th Beatitude he said, “Blessed are the merciful for they shall receive mercy.” We are to live our lives by extending mercy, not judgment. In other words, Judge Not! Don’t Be so Critical!

In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus says “You have heard that it was said that whoever commits murder shall be liable to judgment, but I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment, whoever insults his brother shall be liable to the council, whoever says you fool shall be liable to the hell of fire.” We are to treat people with dignity, not insult them by calling them a fool, or an imbecile, or a knucklehead. In other words, Judge Not! Don’t Be so Critical!

A key teaching of Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount is this well-known command: “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” To love your enemies does not mean to treat them with warm hearted affection, but to do that which is in their best interest. It means to help them, to pray for them. In other words, Judge Not! Don’t Be so Critical!

When he teaches the Lord’s Prayer in the Sermon on the Mount Jesus tells us to pray that God will “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” We must forgive those who trespass against us. It is required of us to forgive. This is not an option. We are not to keep going back over ways in which people have hurt or offended us. We are to forgive! In other words, Judge Not! Don’t Be so Critical!

Let’s notice how the text goes on to tell us what happens when we criticize others. Jesus says: Judge not that you be not judged for with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged (It’s going to come back at you!) and the measure you give will be the measure you get. The degree to which you are critical of others, will be the degree to which others will be critical of you. As Peterson says, The Critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. What you throw out will come winging back on you. Have you noticed?

What happens when you rebuke your spouse? What happens when you tell him how he is wrong, or how he should change? Is he grateful? Does he tell you that he loves you all the more for showing him the error of his ways? No! What he does is turn the tables on you and tell you how and why you fall short.

The Book of Proverbs says “Rebuke a wise man and he will love you for it.” (Prov. 9:8) What we learn from experience is that there aren’t a lot of wise men around.

People talk about losing their memories. “A Senior Moment” they say. And yet, when it comes to remembering faults, they have perfect recall. You gun her down; and she will gun you down, fast! And you never know what she will use for ammunition. A mistake made five-minutes before or a fault committed in the distant past. Short term or long term, it doesn’t matter. When it comes to remembering faults, our memories are infallible.

We joke about this, but it really isn’t a laughing matter. The spirit of fault-finding and criticism can be a very powerful force within you. Some of you will not be able to control it without God’s powerful help. It’s too strong for you to handle alone! It’s like an addiction: it controls us and the way we respond to people, rather than we controlling it. We need the Lord’s strength to stop being so critical, and we get that strength by praying for it.

There is another reason to stop judging others. Our judgmental attitude can be far worse than the mistakes we are criticizing. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? (Mt 7:3-4)

What is the log in our eye? It is our judgmental attitude. It is our fault-finding, our blaming of the other person. It is destructive because it prevents us from seeing the good qualities in the other person, and we therefore cannot really help that person. He or she can see that we are judging them; looking down on them and that turns them against any advice we might offer.

That’s why Jesus uses the word hypocrite. The word cones from hupo ‘under’ + krino ‘judge.’ One pastor illustrated the word this way: Suppose there is a moral radar beam going around exposing everyone’s sins. The person with the log in his eye points his finger at people and accuses them of their sins: You are disreputable, you are immoral, your are wicked. But when the moral radar beam comes around to reveal his sins, he ducks under it. He is under - ‘hypo’ the judgment - ‘krino.’ The radar beam makes its round again, and the man gets up on his tip toes and points his finger and confesses everyone else’s sins, saying, “You people are liars and adulterers and cheats!” But again, as the radar beam comes around a second time, he ducks and lets it go by.

This person is in a state of denial. He refuses to acknowledge his own sin. So Jesus says, “You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

My question for you is this: How are we going to learn to obey our Lord in this very important commandment-- to get rid of the LOG, our critical, judgmental spirit. I assume that you want to live the Sermon on the Mount. I hope you do. The Sermon on the Mount contains the heart, the core of the teaching of Jesus. And this commandment, Judge not!, is a summary of its teaching. So, we need to overcome our critical spirits. How are we going to do this? I would like to suggest that you begin with a one-day fast from criticism.

I got the idea from Catherine Marshall. One morning the Lord gave her this assignment: for one day she was to go on a “fast” from criticism. She was not to criticize anybody about anything. How’s that for a challenge?

She gave the usual objections: “Lord, how can society operate without standards and limits and value judgments?” But the Lord brushed all that aside. “Just obey Me,” He said to her. “I want you to make an absolute fast on any critical statements for this day.”

She went to lunch with her husband, Peter Marshall, and her mother and son and a couple of topics came up about which she had definite opinions -- like school prayer and abortion. But she kept quiet. The strange thing to her was that no one seemed to miss her words. She began to wonder: is anything positive going to come from this “fast” from criticism? It wasn’t until later that day that she found out.

She had been praying for a young man whose life had gotten sidetracked. That afternoon a specific, positive vision for his life was dropped into her mind. Ideas began to flow in a way she had not experienced in years. The benefits of this day of fasting from criticism became very apparent to her. Here’s what she wrote a few days later


A Critical Spirit


What do you think? Are you willing to go on a fast from criticism with me for the rest of this day? Will you try it? Really try it?

I have a missionary friend who works near the Indonesian Maluku Islands in eastern Indonesia. These islands have gone through years of turmoil especially from 1999 to 2002. Christians were forced to convert to Islam. Hundreds of churches were destroyed. Thousands of Christians were killed. Hundress of thousands were displaced. But the islands have been peaceful in the past few years. How did peace come to these Islands?

A partial answer is this: peace came because of the way Christian leaders responded to the violence. Rev. Augustinus Aesh, moderator of the Protestant Church in Halmehera pleaded with his people: “Pray,” he said, “to change hearts from hatred to love.”

Catholic Bishop Mandagi said, “God is love. All religious people believe in God. I hope that all who believe, especially Christians and Muslims will love each other. If not we are Christians and Muslims have betrayed our own religion.”

In light of the Sermon on the Mount, these religious leaders were right on. Are not these calls for prayer and love also the words that need to be applied to the situation in the Middle East and in countries throughout the world? Do we not need to “Pray to change hearts from hatred to love.”

Jesus says to us, “Judge not.” “Don’t Be So Critical.” This has reference primarily to interaction between individuals. But there is also wisdom here for congregations, for the way in which Church members interact with one another, for the way in which we view each other, and what we say about each other. And there is also wisdom here for statesmen and stateswomen, for those who have the responsibility to lead and guide our nations.

We need to take the logs out of our own eyes and then, perhaps, we will see clearly to help our brothers take the speck out of their eye. Are you willing to try? Will you take up a fast from criticism? Let's see whether God will give us in exchange the positive and creative thoughts that will enable us more and more to love one another, and together to minister to those around us. Amen.